I spend more time than I want to in waiting rooms. And while I’m there, when I find myself without the book I meant to bring, I peruse a couple of Arkansas magazines, generally well written and well intended, full of the sweets of the South: pictures of local Homecoming Dances, cheerleaders, charity events, makeovers, home interiors, gardens; articles on couples and families, profiles of a local celebrity (always including a discussion of church activities and family life); inspirational essays; instructions for Your Creative Project – decoupaging the cover of Your Bible Study Notebook or stenciling nursery rhymes on the walls of your baby’s nursery.
Sometimes I see a photo of one or the other of my more civic-minded friends; sometimes I like looking at an interior I’ll never be able to afford.
One magazine in particular has “Women” in the title, and apparently has the intent of appealing to the whole gender, but I think of this magazine as Southern Affluent Conservative Certain-kind-of-Christian Mothers and Wives. So, recently, reading the marriage counseling, and being told, based on St. Paul, that women primarily want to be loved, and men primarily want to be respected, my heart sank.
Here I am again – outcast and reprobate. I must not be a real woman; I just don’t fit that ruffled pink suit with 4 inch black heels idea of the feminine. It’s not my color, and it’s not my style. More than that, I like to believe I’m a little more complicated than the marriage counselor thinks, and that I actually do require a lot of other things in my life including a full measure of respect, intelligent conversation, and a sporting chance at the TV remote.
Oh yeah, I’m also not so conformable anymore.
On International Women’s Day (Happy Belated March 8th), as I went through the cash register line at Krogers, the cashier and I talked a little about coupons and such – nothing mean-spirited, nothing personal, nothing offensive in the least to anyone was discussed, but apparently, the cashier felt she’d said too much. “Oh,” she said “I just need to bridle my tongue.” I’ve heard any number of Southern women say this to me. And, none of them in circumstances that I thought required silence. I asked my husband whether men ever tell each other such a thing. If so, they’ve never said so to him. I guess this is something taught from the Southern pulpit that discourages women’s voice, something along the lines of “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything,” but with that scary church tang that promises judgment, hell, and other retributions.
I just feel squashed by that women’s magazine – however well-intended it is. I’m hankering for something more: some place where women can give voice to their depths and create larger spaces for themselves, maybe interspersed with articles about 17th century Chinese ceramics, the Baha’i in Arkansas, the life cycle of the Moss Mantid, or some thoughtful observation that moves us beyond the conventional. And where, sometimes, we risk saying something “not nice” and refuse to bridle our tongues. It’s like we’ve got a brand new HD flat screen that only shows black and white movies. Bring on the color! Let’s try the 3-D glasses!
I used to think we had a space already cleared and open for all those new voices, but we seem to have created a big political stage so we can hear the leading female performances of . . . wait for it . . . Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachmann, who fritter away the power of women in incoherence and inadequacy. Too many other women must be bridling their tongues.
So, Happy Women’s History Month!
Here are a few other voices:
Gloria Steinem recently to Bill Maher:“For Republicans, life begins at conception and ends at birth.”
English Proverb: A woman's strength is in her tongue.
Hillary Clinton on March 8th: "Women and girls drive economies. They build peace and prosperity. Investing in women and girls means investing in global economic progress, political stability and greater prosperity for everyone the world over. So let us mark this day by finding ways to ensure women and girls access to education, healthcare, jobs, and credit, and to protect their right to live free from violence."
Ann Jones in Why Peace is the Business of Men (but shouldn’t be) about the absence of women in peace negotiations although many folk give lip service to the value women might have in them.
http://motherjones.com/politics/2011/01/women-peacemakers-un-resolution-1325
And here, off the beaten path: a documentary about women called Heart to Lead from a group called Imagine the good. http://www.imaginethegood.com/
In the first thirty seconds of Heart to Lead, Rama Vernon chants, connecting earth to sky with an OM bigger than you’ve ever heard. (The trailer for Heart to Lead doesn’t do that first scene justice; in the trailer her voice is just background sound, without the amplitude it has in the film.)
This is a woman creating sacred space through her voice. Need I mention she’s not bridling her tongue?
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